Temptation, Lies, Attitude, and Caffeine Withdrawls

Temptation is horrible.

It all started out with God asking me to give some things up, as mentioned in an earlier post. Some are simple, like giving up How I Met Your Mother. Others are harder, like taking time away from people that aren't great for me, or even harder things that are more personal.

I was doing pretty well. I had made a list of what I was giving up along with some things that I was going to try harder at.

It was good. I was happy. Nervous, but happy. I had given a copy of the list to someone who I KNEW would keep me accountable, and I had kept a list for myself.

School was going well. I was trying harder, and was not only up to date with everything, but even ahead in some areas - something that is very odd for me.

My devos and God time were going great. If I wasn't reading a textbook, I was reading my Bible, highlighting like mad, writing key verses out on sticky notes, and spending some awesome times talking to God.

Then the temptation hit. It only took about three days after I made my commitment to start. It was the little voice in my head...

"It's not that bad...You don't need to give it up...God won't care...Nobody will even know...It would be so easy!"

I realized very quickly that not only is temptation hard in and of itself, it breeds and spreads loneliness and isolation the way that dorm door handles and Clement's cups rampantly spread Dorm Plague.

I was so consumed with not breaking my promise to God, that I found myself hiding away in my room, trying to concentrate on textbooks at all times. It gave me too much time to let my mind wander to all of those dark places where insecure 16 year old Kelly still hides out sometimes. I realized that there was only one person that I had told about everything on that list, and it wasn't fair to anyone for me to need to talk to her about my struggle every ten minutes. I found myself very alone, not even able to truly have fun even when others were around distracting me.

By this morning, I was full of the negative attitude that I have been trying to overcome for months, now. That attitude, mixed with the fact that I spent 3 hours in the library on a Saturday working on an assignment worth less than 2% of my final grade for that class...and my lack of caffeine (maybe my next habit I need to curb?)...I wasn't exactly patient when a few questions took longer than others.

I was very lucky to have worked with three very patient women who, to their extreme credit, didn't tell me to get lost and do the assignment on my own after I complained...a lot. I definitely owe them an apology for my attitude.

I have great friends around me, a family that loves me even when I leave stuff piled around the house when I'm in a hurry to move, a church that believes in me like crazy for who knows WHAT reasons, and a God that loves me, takes care of me, provides me with people here on Earth who will put up with me, and has huge grace for a kid who has trouble keeping her attitude in check.

I am blessed beyond what I can ever imagine.

Now, if I could only keep that in mind when the coffee shop is closed on homework days....